Self Evaluation & Being Right

My son is in a master’s program studying performance psychology and sent me a tool he made for self evaluation. 

It got me thinking all over again about how important that is, and also how impossible it can be especially if we have unrealistic or just plain undefined expectations or goals.  I incorporated this into my own practice, encouraged my students to use self evaluation as a grounding learning tool, and of course used it in various ways while parenting. 

It’s especially effective for diffusing teenage rage and defensiveness because it acknowledges POV and feelings as real while leaving room for those things to shift.  For example, in middle school my daughter very strongly felt that she was meeting the expectations of a certain teacher for classroom engagement and behavior but the teacher felt differently.  Instead of remaining positional and adversarial it was important to set up a rubric by which each of them could independently evaluate the situation on a daily basis.  In order to do this of course the expectations needed to be clearly stated.  Then, at the end of each day she would self evaluate - this required reflection - and the teacher would evaluate, and then they would unblind their answers to see if they matched or not.  If they matched, HUZZAH SUCCESS!  If they didn’t match then a chat and possible shifting or clarification of expectations could occur. 

Rinse, repeat. 

But what’s also important is this practice includes, in maybe a subtle way, planning or advance consideration about how to achieve movement toward success in a future attempt more than how to achieve being right about something. 

That latter bit is seriously comforting and I think the best possible takeaway.